semiotickitten:

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:


The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

I need this.
"I used to call people, then I got into e-mailing, then texting, and now I just ignore everyone." - The New Yorker  (via blackbruise)

(Source: candysoda)




"Call me at 4 am, and tell me it’s because you want to hear my voice." - (via hefuckin)

(Source: lushpussyhighheels)




getoffmybloghoe:

Don’t roll joints, roll up to church. Praise The Lord!

(Source: freddifish)


imcleopatraa:

.
sunshine-cafe:

.
"If you’re under 30 and in a relationship right now, and you’re not head over heels, get out. You are way too young to be wasting your time with someone who doesn’t make you really happy to be with them every day. There’s nothing sadder than watching 23-year-olds settle." - Carolyn Hall, 17 Thoughts for Single Women From A Divorcee (via silhouettesofspilledink)

(Source: mylovelylifeinquotations)




prozaccanthelp:

⚥ mature audience only ☮
the-hippie-project:

🌙🌞☀ on We Heart It.
install theme
Designed by Timothy Rowan